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Factor
Picture of volatpluvia
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There was once a lizsard in Acatlan de Juarez, Bellavista, Jalisco, México. His name was pascuale. He was born on the property of one Paco Sanchez, about the time Paco started to build his house. The albañiles (bricklayers) had put up a wall around the property on three sides. Paco had decided he could share his neighbors wall on the fourth side. But the Albañiles had to extend the wall three meters into the fourth wall for stability. This was where pascuale's mother lizard had laid her eggs, between the extension and the neighbor's wall. Pascuale was a happy little critter. He began to come out from between the walls every morning as soon as the sun warmed the brick enough to warm his blood to wakefulness. Every day he sat on top of the wall or clung to the side of the wall with his nose over the top, catching the many mosquitos, flies and other flying bugs that came by, attracted by his breath. He grew.
Every day Paco Sanchez would look for him and smile to see the indigenous life on his property. He cheered on pascuale to eat them nasty mosquitos so Paco wouldn't have to work so hard to keep them out of his not quite finished house while he camped in.
Pascuale was a little nervous. Every time Paco came out the back door to urinate, pascuale would dart back into the space between the walls. Paco would call to him in a soothing voice, telling him to not worry, Paco would not hurt him, liked him a lot.
As the months went on, pascuale grew too big to live between the walls, and his tail had become about a foot and a half long.
He moved to the loosely stacked brick pile on the front corner of Paco's property. Paco did not see him for several days and worried about him. But then he spotted pascuale sunning himself on top of the brick pile and was glad, and continued to talk to him in soothing tones.
This went on until a new 'friend' of Paco's came to visit one day...

Paco Sanchez


pistuo deo lalo
 
Posts: 3714 | Location: Acatlan de Juarez, Jalisco, Mexico | Registered: 22 October 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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I feel a sense of doom . . .

I know that friend of Paco's ain't me, 'cause I ain't been to Mexico since the '80s . . .

Worried'Sticks


As long as there's Limb Bacon a man'll eat! (But mebbe not his wife...)
 
Posts: 4816 | Location: Buffalo River Country | Registered: 23 October 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Booshway
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Well 'sticks,

He DID say this was a "new" friend...

Reckon this feller has a lizard recipe?

Hey, you guys comin' over ta PJC's new forum?

Spot
 
Posts: 849 | Location: NW Arkansas | Registered: 11 June 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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'Schticks,
Nope, ain't you, wouldn't do that to you.

Spot,
PJC's new forum? Link maybe?

Leon


pistuo deo lalo
 
Posts: 3714 | Location: Acatlan de Juarez, Jalisco, Mexico | Registered: 22 October 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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The new 'friend' whose name was Ramón, wanted to see the place and said he wanted to help so Paco brought him along one fine day. Since Ramón had said he wanted to help, Paco told him he needed a hundred brick from the pile in the front corner of the property put up on the front porch for a little project Paco wanted to do in a couple of days. Ramón put on his leather work gloves and proceeded to carry brick. Then the trouble started. He spotted pascuale snoozing down between two rows of brick, about five bricks down. It was still too cool for pascuale to be able to move yet. So Ramón, without consulting his host, mind ye, carefully pulled the bricks away until he could GRAB pascuale, which he did.
Then he called to Paco, who was working out back of the house. Paco came out to see Ramón holding pascaule in his gloved left hand. Poor pascuale could hardly breathe because Ramón had him by the ribs while the little critter tried valiantly to extricate himself with all four sets of claws. His mouth was wide open and his little eyes were bugged out. He looked at Paco with the look of, 'can't you help me'?
While Paco started to object to Ramón's actions Ramón pulled off the glove from his right hand, extracted his smart phone from his pocket and began shooting pics of Pascuale. The lizard continued to struggle. Ramón stopped with the pics and asked paco where he want pascuale.
Paco said, 'put him down on the driveway and let him go where he wants to.'
So Ramón did. Poor pascuale ran one direction, head up in the air, front legs up in the air, as if to look for a safe place to hide, didn't see one, ran onother direction, changed his mind, dived over the bottom rail of the property gate and disappeared. Paco had never seen a lizard do a 'wheelie' before and watched in wonder, but he felt really bad.
But he held his tongue, figuring his new 'friend', acquaintence really, would not have the wisdom or sensitivity to understand how cruel he had been anyway.
Paco did not see pascuale for weeks.
But...somehow the picture taking with the 'smart' phone must have affected pascuale in a peculiar way...

León


pistuo deo lalo
 
Posts: 3714 | Location: Acatlan de Juarez, Jalisco, Mexico | Registered: 22 October 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Booshway
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Here's the link:

http://americanlonghunter.lefo...rectory#.UvMAenTnat9

Sittin' on tha edg'a'ma seat...
 
Posts: 849 | Location: NW Arkansas | Registered: 11 June 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Booshway
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I was just informed that this h'yar campfire ain't'a goin' no place after all. Shore is some good news!

Ah do hope things work out for ol' pascuale...
 
Posts: 849 | Location: NW Arkansas | Registered: 11 June 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Spot, does it take some time to register a new member.
I signed up but could see no indication if it took.
tried to sign in but the forum did not know me.
León


pistuo deo lalo
 
Posts: 3714 | Location: Acatlan de Juarez, Jalisco, Mexico | Registered: 22 October 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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I'll stick here, Spot.

Been lookin' in every holler for a receipt for green squirrels . . . Heh heh . . .

Fiddlesticks


As long as there's Limb Bacon a man'll eat! (But mebbe not his wife...)
 
Posts: 4816 | Location: Buffalo River Country | Registered: 23 October 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Paco didn't see pascuale for three weeks. Then one day while Paco was working outside in front of the house, pascuale walked thru the gate on his hind leggs. He walked right up to Paco's legs and looked up into Paco's face.
Paco was just a little disconcerted, had the lizard contracted rabis or some such?
The pascuale spoke: 'Hey Paco, where can I find Ramón?'
Paco almost fainted.
The voice was a bit squeaky coming from a throat as small as pascuale's, but it was clear and the language was even cultured.
What could he do but answer?
'What do you want with Ramón?'
'I would like to kill him.'
Paco's knees got weak and he started to sweat.
'W-why do you want to do that?'
'Because I nearly died of fright when he grabbed me and squeezed me while shooting my picture.'
'How is it that you can talk? And think, especially of killing a man?'
'When Ramón shot me with his smart phone, I started to get smart.'
'I didn't know it worked like that!'
'Oh, yeah, man, and I can think with some of my friends.'
'Which friends are those?'
'Oh, mostly aligators and crocodiles, some other lizards my size, mostly in zoos. But many of the aligators and crocs are in swamps where people are shooting them with smart phones every day.'
'Are they thinking of killing people?'
'Well, they are just hungry, but they can now think up`ways to lure people to within eating range.'
Paco shivered, and began to see the coming carnage in his minds eye. He groaned.
Pascuale said, 'I don't think you have to worry too much, they are a little slow in thinking, they are such large lizards with such small brains. My brain is much larger to my size of body.'
Paco said, 'I will not help you find Ramón so you can kill him.'
'Aw, mannn,' moaned pascuale. 'Could I at least talk to him and tell him to stop being cruel to lizards?'
'Okay, just to talk. He'll probably die of fright anyway. Haw Haw! Hop in the toyota.'
Off they went...

León


pistuo deo lalo
 
Posts: 3714 | Location: Acatlan de Juarez, Jalisco, Mexico | Registered: 22 October 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Haw! Haw! Haw! Haw!

Don't see how this tale could get much taller!

Might as well baptize Jason into the forum with a good dose of 'Volieuptiousness'!! Hang on Jason! - hope you're tough enough for the ride!

Wheezin'Sticks


As long as there's Limb Bacon a man'll eat! (But mebbe not his wife...)
 
Posts: 4816 | Location: Buffalo River Country | Registered: 23 October 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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'Schticks,
Wish Audie would write something outrageous again. He's the best. I am but a poor shadow of the laughter he could generate.
León


pistuo deo lalo
 
Posts: 3714 | Location: Acatlan de Juarez, Jalisco, Mexico | Registered: 22 October 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Pascuale chattered away in his squeaky little voice all the way to Chapala. He rode on Paco's shoulder so he could talk directly into his ear above the car noise.
He remained on Paco's shoulder while the Toyota was parked and the two of them approached the door to the house.
When Ramón opened the door, he stared for a milisecond at pascuale sitting on Paco's shoulder and then began a fit of laughter that caused him to eventually roll around on the floor.
When his obnoxious voice died down enough pascuale said, 'Laugh, sucker, but when I am done with you it won't be a laughing matter!'
Ramón sat bolt upright and his eyes nearly popped out of his head. His chin hung on his fat chest. He didn't even have time to voice the obvious question forming on his lips.
'See if you like this!' Pascuale pulled a little tube out from under his belly and jumped onto the back of a chair.
Now it was Paco's turn to stare studidly. He had not noticed the little tube the whole ride over from Acatlan de Juaréz.
Pascuale pointed it at Ramón's head. 'Take this', a red beam lashed out from the little tube and burned a hole through the lobe of Ramón's ear. Ramón screamed in pain.
'Stop, please, what have I ever done to you?'
'Remember the day you dragged me out of my bed and terrorized me with your smart phone?'
Paco made a move to grab pascuale but he turned and aimed the laser at Paco's face, and he dropped to the floor. He was no fool, he didn't want holes burned in his head.
'Your smart phone made me smart enough to take one of these laser pointers and make it much more powerfull, how do you like THAT?'
'Help, Paco!'
'Hah, he's my friend, but you are on your own. Pascuale, I thought you weren't going to try to kill him!'
'I won't kill him, I just want to hurt him for a little while.'
'Okay, you've taught him a lesson, now let's get out of here.'
'Just a couple more burns and then I am done.'
There were more screams as pascuale aimed and fired several more times. Ramón had several more holes to see the doctor about.
'Okay! Enough! Now give me that thing and let us leave!
Pascuale jumped about six feet, landing firmly on Paco's shoulder.
'Did I mention, that my physical abilities are also enhanced a bit?'
'No, you didn't.'
'Ramón, forgive me, I thought he just wanted to talk to you. Are you ganna send the policía after me?'
'No,' Ramón sobbed, 'No one would believe me anyway. Probably would send me to the looney bin.'
'Okay, we are leaving, don't follow us.'
'Please go, and make sure you take that THING with you!'
Even the neighbors heard pascuale's shrill laughter as we pulled out of the driveway. We didn't bother closing the gate...

León


pistuo deo lalo
 
Posts: 3714 | Location: Acatlan de Juarez, Jalisco, Mexico | Registered: 22 October 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Booshway
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Having that kind of imagination must make life a bit more interesting. And amusing.
 
Posts: 507 | Registered: 14 August 2013Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Slappin' the floor and outa breath . . .

I tried to warn ya Jason! Haw! Haw! haw!

Wheezin'fermercy'Sticks


As long as there's Limb Bacon a man'll eat! (But mebbe not his wife...)
 
Posts: 4816 | Location: Buffalo River Country | Registered: 23 October 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Scoundrel,
Yeah, but only if it doesn't go to the dark side.
León


pistuo deo lalo
 
Posts: 3714 | Location: Acatlan de Juarez, Jalisco, Mexico | Registered: 22 October 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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An intelligent, sentient being should not have to live in the crevices of a pile of bricks. So Paco built a little room on the back porch. It was just the right size for pascuale. He put in a tiny bed, one of those little 2 inch color TV's and the smallest camp stove that can be bought for LP gas. He lent pascuale his Kindle Fire so he could get on the house internet and commune with his friends. Pascuale set up a chat room just for lizards. I think they let in a smart snake or two as well.
Paco set up a couple of bug traps so pascuale could concentrate on communications. That way he could just go out and selected a dozen or so 'snacks' and cook them on his little camp stove. There was also a nice LED bulb hanging from the ceiling. Paco told him to invite in his female friends because lizards don't need to be married. Pascuale grinned and winked.
Paco cut a door into the livingroom of the house so pascuale wouldn't have to knock and strain his squeaky little voice shouting for Paco's attention. There was also a door to the outside with an appropriate size latch.
The two of them settled in being best of buddies. Pascuale enjoyed sitting on Paco's shoulder while they watched TV in the earlier part of the evening. They got the biggest charge out of heckling the commercials. When Paco got tired and went to bed pascuale went to his room and fired up the Kindle. Paco didn't know when pascuale actually slept. Every now and then he heard some strange raucous sounds coming from the little house. He never investigated, after all, it was pascaules private quarters.
But after several months Paco started noticing changes in pascuale...

León


pistuo deo lalo
 
Posts: 3714 | Location: Acatlan de Juarez, Jalisco, Mexico | Registered: 22 October 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Booshway
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Okay, so the little lizard turns into a big lizard, starts talking, beats up Paco’s friend, moves in and starts an online community. THEN he starts to change?

This is gettin’ good.

Sittin’own tha edga’ma seat…

Spot
 
Posts: 849 | Location: NW Arkansas | Registered: 11 June 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Booshway
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Ya kno Leon; aftr readin 'bout Pascuale, bein th dangres kinda crittr tha he ist, Imma glad we don gots thm lizard thang up here in th North. We gots lottsa salamander, newts, turtls, snaks, an fisners, an yotes an sum othr thangs wit hairs on thm, butt no lizards ! Glada tha !!

Wheew ! Breathin easier - Rupe

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Rupe/PA,
 
Posts: 467 | Location: NW Pennsylvania | Registered: 20 December 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Glad I ain't got no smart phone. That's what I'm glad I ain't got. Might accidently take a pitcher of a skeeter - lawzy!

Huggin'mydumbphone'Sticks


As long as there's Limb Bacon a man'll eat! (But mebbe not his wife...)
 
Posts: 4816 | Location: Buffalo River Country | Registered: 23 October 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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