Well, ol’ Fiddlesticks smarted off mentioned ma previous experience in these Ozark hills whereby ma son and I (who is now away in the U.S. Marine Corps,and they never lie) shot some squirrels what had some dark green spots in their muscle tissue what nobody could explain.

We was a’feared to eat ‘em, so we fed ‘em to the cat. Didn’t seem to hurt him any, in fact he growed big as a horse and we took him to the vet. Well, the vet put that cat on some newfangledy ‘sperimental medication, and danged if he didn’t get hooked on it. The wife and I both had ta take own second jobs just ta pay fer it.

It was awful around h’yar fer a while – what with workin’ three jobs just so I could come home and shoot up the cat – but once’t they git big as horses ya kinda hate ta make ‘em mad.

One thing ah should mention – before we could take that cat to the vet, we had to get him to load into a horse trailer. Now, I don’t know if you ever tried to load a horse-sized cat into a horse trailer, but let me tell ya, it’s a challenge, especially when that cat gets all four feet up ag’in tha outside of the door he’s supposed to be goin’ into. It took a couple’a roundbales’a catnip ta get him in there.

A coupl’a positives did come out of the whole experience:

1. We couldn’t break him to ride, but he’s the finest bucking cat in all of Madison County.

2. Our property is SAFE, what with a horse-sized cat patrollin’ the area.

I haven’t told just everbody about this, so let’s just keep it between us, okay?

Spot

Haw! Haw! Haw! Haw!

Look out Audie an' Volie! - another'n has got all stirred up!

Jason is gettin' broke in right . . . poor fella.

Smartin'off'Sticks



God's hand on your son, my friend.

Your secret is safe here Spot, and it's just as well you didn't get him broke to ride because Who knows where you'd get a saddle built to fit him without it soreing him up. And if you ever hooked him a little hard with your spurs he might hook you back.

You make a right fine point there scoundrel, ah wouldn't want to hook him too hard without his medication.

Now on tha other hand, I did notice some of the calves over on the neighbors' place had a few funny lookin' calves, what with the long whiskers, and the retractable claws from their hooves. I'm guessing that meat'll be stringy.

Probably need to keep him home, best as I can.

Spot,
That sure is some cat story. I can see endless possibilities here.
Are you thinking of building on this fine basis for a tall tale?
So what happened next?

'Schticks, does this remind you of a certain giant lizard?

León

See if the Marines will take him off your hands. They need to replace that bulldog, anyhow.

Leon, yup . . .

Fiddlesticks

Hey there Volie,

As it happens, that old cat done escaped - last ah heard he was headed south. I shore would like to know what happen't to him - if you happen to see him down your way I'd really appreciate an update from somebody what could tell it like it ought ta be told.

Hi 'sticks, I s'pose it's possible he coulda been headed fer the marines, but as I hear it they's pretty fond'a that bulldog...

If the cat went down there lizard huntin' it could get ugly. But the story's be good.

Ya know, ah kinda hate ta see tha critter gone and all, but I still ain't sure how I'm gonna explain that calico calf to ma neighbor...

*looks in his coffee cup*are we drinking the same stuff?*shudder*

Don't try to explain, Spot. The appearance of ignorance is a pretty good policy.

Sounds good scoundrel, I'm sure I can pull that off.

May not have to though, what with them calves chasin' mice and climbin' trees.

One of the neighbor kids said they was out cow-tipping a few nights ago, and them calves all landed on their feet.

You guys are killin' me . . .

Holdin'mybelly'Sticks

Spot,
I think that I won't be camping out in the forest any time soon.
Boarthooth,
I'm with you on this one.
Scoundrel,
Let me think about that for a while.
'Schticks,
I'm worried about you poor old ribs, who knows how much more of this they will have to take...
León

I might as well admit I ain’t exactly unhappy that cat’s gone. The neighbors is complainin’ because this year’s calves is workin’ over the sides of their barns like cat posts. Downright furry, them barns is.

You cain’t hardly go out into a pasture anymore, neither. I don’t know if you ever had a 900 lb. steer brush up ag’in yer leg and purr while you was just tryin’ to check the cows, but it gets kinda aggervatin’.

Of course, that ain’t nothin’ compared to the truck driver what had a 800 lb. heifer fall out from underneath the hood of his Kenworth while he was a’drivin’ down the highway.

I ain’t gonna shoot no more of them green squirrels.

Makes my own problems seem pretty small. A deer got killed the other night out behind my decoy trailer and it looked like a mtn. lion did it, but now I'm thinking your cat may have came west instead of south.